 |
 |
|
Musings through the years from my Journal
|
"God, Love changes
definitions everyday, every look, every smile, every glance, every sunrise, every sunset, every action, every inaction, every
understanding that take place, every touch, and every moment that means anything at all.
It is a thought of the young that such a thing as love could ever be defined.
Love is lived. I have loved. " -
October 12, 2004
"Home anymore is just a place to sleep, shed the day, and greet the
next one the best way you know how. What an odd limbo phase of life... belonging nowhere, the possibility of everywhere,
and the thick palpability of lonliness in the lungs." - November 28, 2004
"Many things remain long after they are gone in the reality of time
and space. That's the joy of being human, and the terrible curse. People, places, philosphies all come and go
in and out of your life bringing painful and warm memories...and sometimes both." - Decemeber 3, 2004
"So, some things in life take time. They take time to begin,
they take time to develop, and they take time to end fully. But if you play the aging cards right, beauty creeps up
in the most surprising, rewarding, and profound places and create this sort of true stinging grace. The type of beauty
you compare all other beautiful things in the world with. And so this... this is my poignant good-bye." Novemeber 14,
2004, Finally
"I suppose, life isn’t
really lived without a past. Pasts are scary, trivial, and often sad. Sometimes pasts are significant, even sometimes the only thing that really matters. Pasts can break people apart or put them together. Pasts
are awful and extremely comforting. The presence of a past is all, sometimes
I believe, that makes us human. The ignorance of pasts makes us into beasts."
Novemeber 10, 2004
"And anyway, Saturday night
pretty much sucked. I spent the whole night taking care of erin, who was dressed up as a large piece of pizza in everyone's
way. College should kill off more people than it does." - Haloween, 2004
"You know that feeling when you walk into your room at the end of the day and all is how it seems it should be?
And the only thing that's missing is that nostalgic music? A few important things are untied, uncertain ,
but the imprtant thing is that at the end of the day when you walk in, hang up your keys and sigh, that sense of resolution
is in some aspect there. And you can allow yourself to act out that fake, cheesy, geniune sitcom smile.
And for a few moments... wow, that is all you really need." - Decemeber 6, 2004
"Why is it that you always
fall in love with someone who doesn't actually exist?" - Feb. 11, 2001
"Am I really quite an insane person for treating
past events as if they were real, simply because at one point they were? Maybe our regrets and fears are what is really
in-play and in existence and nothing else." -December 7, 2004
Love is a battleground. No one wins and everyone an some point
loses." August 1, 2002, Nothing like a summer fling.
"She was crying, with mememntos of him lying on the floor; her memories
supressed now released. Inside I guess we all were... crying that is. Maybe, not even over the stuff we made people
think we were." - New Years 2003
"We are all alone. We make futile attempts to be sincere.
To be there for someone else. We try to make promises that the other person won't be alone... THIS is friendship.
THIS is love. This is humans at thier best and worst." - Jan. 2, 2003
"But, somehow (God only knows how) I learned along the way what
love was, and definatly wasn't, what it really means to trust yourself, and how awesome it feels to totally let go for
a few moments and realize that it is truly amazing we're alive. Somewhere along the way I stopped hating myself
for who I wasn't and learned who I was through (what I only thought was too much) confusion. And, you know what, I turned
out to be a pretty okay kid." - August 17, 2003, last entry of my high school journal.
"As Dee put it in her poem for Mrs. Robinson: "I am
waiting"... for things to make sense, to be a college student, for real relationships with people, for spring break, for war...
just not to wait anymore." - March, 16 2003.
"I'll always be that freckled sarcastic girl who learned to see
the world from the perspective of pikeville." - Janurary 20, 2003, In New York City on a bench staring at an oversized cup
o' noodles billboard with real steam.
"Why do human relationships have to be so aweful... and awefully vital?"
- June 21, 2004
|
